"Ah-ha" Answers

February 28, 2021

“I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”

February 22, 2021

The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

January 24, 2021

The mysterious little box, filled in for all these years with zeroes, told why production had been down on some days. The heading: “Number of Air Raids Today”.

January 22, 2021

Obviously, they would win if they replaced the rowers – after all they obviously had not properly followed directions.

January 18, 2021

“I’m not,” replied the interviewer. “But you started the kidding with that ridiculous salary request!”

January 17, 2021

“Well,” stated the one with the piece of paper in his hand, “we needed the height and he gave us the length.”

January 13, 2021

I said, "you’ve got a heart murmur so be careful!”

January 8, 2021

It read: “Prescription: Take three teaspoons of Tastital every hour.”

December 31, 2020

“Just one thing,” the parrot said. “What did the chicken do?”

December 29, 2020

The message said, “Thaw chickens before firing.”

December 28, 2020

“Well,” replied the salesman with a smile, “right now I have about 200 customers like you. I really do wish I only had 50.”

December 27, 2020

“Because today in school I was elected my class’s vice president. If I have to do all those bad things, I reckon I’ll be in a lot of trouble.”

December 26, 2020

“Oh, we have no idea,” they said. “We went to Florida every winter.”

December 21, 2020

“Although the two men were standing next to different pillars, it was clearly a duplication of effort.”

December 11, 2020

“Yeah, right,” the physicist replied. “Like that’s going to happen.”

December 5, 2020

This is a variation of the problem with fish heads from Nov. 27. Therefore the answer is also similar.

Jeff replied, "My frying pan is too small for it."

December 3, 2020

As soon as it rang the two boys picked up their backpacks and yelled, “Run!” and disappeared around the corner.

November 27, 2020

“That’s easy, said great-grandma, “because my baking pan was too small to fit in the whole fish”.

November 24, 2020

“ I just need the pill the doctor left here so I can put it in the water."

November 17, 2020

“Great shooting, on average I reckon we got it,” he explained.

November 13, 2020

"Dearest Sweetheart. Just checked in. Everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow. By the way, it’s very hot down here.”

November 11, 2020

The mailbox had one item in it: a bill from the lawyer.

November 9, 2020

“She is in the bathroom, after the fall of the pool I hung her up to dry,” said John.

November 1, 2020

As she said, she had no money. In fact, her electricity had been turned off that morning.

October 28, 2020

“I'm the only gravedigger in town.”

October 27, 2020

“Fred is supposed to put a small bush in the hole.”

October 25, 2020

“Actually, he just told me I needed to come and see you.”

October 21, 2020

It seems the fleas had tired of hitting their heads on the lid. After a short period of time they had stopped jumping as high.

October 20, 2020

"It's a beautiful day. You can see it. I cannot.”

October 14, 2020

“Hats priced too high for the average woman”.

October 7, 2020

“That’s easy. Some people like meat that costs three dollars a pound and some people like meat that cost five dollars a pound. My job is to give them what they want.”

October 2, 2020

“No, sir,” replied the officer. “I was just wondering if you had any more of those great cookies.”

September 29, 2020

The shorthand message given to the secretaries by the 1960s businessmen was actually intended for the secretaries themselves. It asked them to remember Max Schling’s name the next time they were asked by their boss to send flowers to their wives.

September 23, 2020

“The greatest leader is not necessarily the one who does the greatest things,” said Reagan, “He is the one that gets the people to do the greatest things.”

September 20, 2020

“We do not really know,” said the shopkeeper, “but the other two call him ‘boss’.”

September 17, 2020

“The reason I use those terms is because I’ve forgotten her real name.”

September 14, 2020

“No, and please don’t tell her, she’ll have me answering the phones, too.”

September 12, 2020

“You will not be successful unless you get a cup,” he pointed out.

September 9, 2020

“I have a shop full of guys that do that all day -- I need someone that will work.”

September 8, 2020

"The living one."

September 7, 2020

"My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, I can concentrate on the work and get the job done."

September 3, 2020

The guest continued, “The third door has a ‘do not disturb’ sign on it.”

September 1, 2020

“Sorry, it is taking so long to get the elevators cleaned,” the employee apologized, “I’ve cleaned both elevators on each of the lower thirty floors and only have a few floors to go. I would be done, but sometimes I must wait a long time for the door to open.

August 31, 2020

"Thanks to you I am freezing," exclaimed the spendthrift.

August 27, 2020

The baby weighed over 20 pounds.

August 26, 2020

“See, I told you honesty pays! I gave the driver a single and he gave me back change for a five.”

August 22, 2020

"Sorry it took so long," he said. "The stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

August 18, 2020

“You miss 100% of the shots,” he said, “you never take.”

August 14, 2020

“The living one.”

August 12, 2020

The emailed reply read, “I am not saying that you do or do not sleep with your housekeeper, but if she was sleeping in her own bed she would know where the saltshaker is.”

August 11, 2020

You wrote, "neither do I".

August 7, 2020

Bill had completely slept through the entire prior day and absenteeism required either a doctor’s note or written explanation.

July 30, 2020

“If you really want to help jump in and help me find my car keys.”

July 25, 2020

The caption read, “Sunset over Sumdum Glacier, Alaska”.

July 24, 2020

“No, it’s just that all that skipping makes me tired.”.

July 23, 2020

“I’m the groom.”

July 22, 2020

“Where has that monkey gone? I sent him hours ago to bring me another lion.”

July 21, 2020

The card the florist had inserted with the flowers read, "Happy anniversary. Now you're number two."

July 20, 2020

There on the floor was the same book, a bookmark sticking from the top indicated the last supervisor had given it to him.

July 19, 2020

“It’s 7:00, dear, time to get up.”

July 9, 2020

“Before I put up the sign people kept tripping over Hunter. I was afraid someone would hurt themselves falling.”

July 7, 2020

"You fool!" said the leader, "For weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But you had to go and eat someone important!"

July 5, 2020

“I just spent $600,000 training him. Why would I want somebody to hire his experience?”

July 2, 2020

“Because he was sitting in the lobby where you came in,” the teen explained.

July 1, 2020

“There are probably several ways, but here is how I do it,” Nancy said before taking a handful of paper towels and opening one of the stalls, dipped the towels in the toilet water and used them to wipe the mirror.

June 25, 2020

"She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you coward!'"

June 23, 2020

“That’s a little better, I’ll take it,” she said.

Then thinking it over she added, “You know what, I better take both of them.”

June 22, 2020

Emptying the tub by pulling the plug is the fastest way possible way to get rid of the water - not to mention the cleanest (because of sloshing the water). Yet it was not one of the solutions provided even though it was very visible to him.

June 18, 2020

The mayor continued to the astonishment of the crowd. “I remember the first day Father O’Reilly arrived,” the mayor continued. In fact, I was the first person he heard in the confessional.”

June 16, 2020

“Yes, they do have hammers in stock at $100 for a dozen. I also found out that two dozen only costs $150, that's half price.” Our cost is normally $10, so I ordered them for tomorrow.”

June 7, 2020

Russ pictured the "Shut Up" each time he was tempted to talk. The man said Russ was the first person never to try to complete his sentences.

May 28, 2020

Although none have seen or personally participated in the spray, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.

May 23, 2020

"Jack, she says she’ll pay you $50 if you chop off another toe.”

May 18, 2020

"I am helping to build this beautiful cathedral so people can come here to worship their Lord.”

May 10, 2020

"Yes."

"Excuse me?" she said, surprised.

"Yes. I'll make it."